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Grading Cartoon Show Intros
(The Channel Awesome logo and title sequence both play, then open on NC standing in front of a whiteboard with some kind of web formula written on it) NC: Hello, I'm the Nostalgia Critic. I remember it so you don't have to. You might be wondering why I asked you to stay after in this classroom scenario I suddenly decided to make up. Well, it's your show intros – they're appalling! (Cut to shots of the opening titles for the following: ''Regular Show, Teen Titans Go, and Disenchantment)'' NC (vo): Look how standard, short, and run-of-the-mill they are! These are the openings to your shows, you can't have them be this ordinary! NC: This will not do at all. Your assignment is to find better nostalgic openings for me to review. (nods) (Cut to another montage of cartoon show openings, these ones relatively longer: ''SpongeBob SquarePants, ThunderCats, the original Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, and the original DuckTales)'' NC (vo): The intro is one of the most important parts of any show. It establishes the tone, style and even story of what you're about to see. So, you and I are gonna look over some of the most memorable ones to see if they work or not. NC: I expect this assignment on my desk the very next day. (The subtitle "The Next Day" pops up) It is now the very next day. I sit very still. What do you have for me? (takes some pieces of paper and examines them) Hmm... Hmmmm... Let's go over this together, shall we? (NC snaps his fingers, and the title for this video appears: "Grading Show Intros", which is written in red ink on a crumpled paper background. The page turns) ''He-Man and the Masters of the Universe'' (and She-Ra: Princess of Power) (The intro starts) Singers: He-Man! NC (vo): Ah, the 80s fantasy that asks the question... NC: I'm straight, right? I-I-If I like He-Man, that...that still makes me straight, right? (The snippet of the ''She-Ra: Princess of Power intro is shown)'' NC (vo): What? If I like She-Ra, that makes me gay? NC: How many stereotypes make any sense?! NC (vo): Whatever your preference, He-Man ''needed an intro to get you invested fast, and they did a pretty good job of it. Just look at the first epic thing you saw. ''(The Filmation logo with multicolored letters appears to the xylophone sound, and the caption "presents" appears to a ding) NC: After that. (The show's title zooms in on a black background to an orchestral music of Haim Saban and Shuki Levi) Singers: He-Man! Announcer: And the Masters of the Universe! NC (vo): Yeah, now that's some epic shit right there! NC: Although, I've always wanted to ask this...Am I the only one that feels like the narrator sounds like Dr. Zoidberg? (The beginning of the intro is repeated) Singers: He-Man! Announcer: And the Masters of the Universe! (As it is said, the clip of Zoidberg from ''Futurama is shown in the upper right corner)'' NC: (as Zoidberg, holding his left lip corner and "clicking a claw") And the Masters of the Universe, why not? NC (vo): It starts off with Adam introducing himself and his battle cat Cringer. (The show's main character, Prince Adam, steps up and speaks to the audience) Adam: I am Adam, Prince of Eternia and defender of the secrets of Castle Grayskull. (Cut to the clip from ''Futurama episode "A Tale of Two Santas", which shows Zoidberg dressed as Jesus Christ)'' Zoidberg: And I'm his friend Jesus! (Back to the intro) Adam: Fabulous secret powers were revealed to me the day I held aloft my magic sword and said... (holds up the sword) By the power of Grayskull! (The sword starts glowing) NC: (as Adam) ...We don't...really explain why I did or said that. I was just going through my "holding aloft my magic sword and saying "by the power of Grayskull" phase. It just happened to contain fabulous secret powers. (Adam transforms into He-Man) NC (vo; as He-Man): Suddenly, I became more naked, and people thought I was a different person. He-Man: I HAVE THE POWER!!! (He-Man zaps Cringer with the sword, and the cat gains strength and a helmet) NC (vo; as He-Man): Time to blow up this damn cat...oh, I...it does that, apparently. Uh, cool. He-Man: And I became He-Man, the most powerful man in the universe! (hits the screen with his clenched fist, and it emits a white flash) NC: Not sure why he punched the person he was telling the story to. NC (vo; as He-Man): I became He-Man. What did you call my mother? Die, asshole. (After a flash, the credit of the executive producer Lou Scheimer is shown) NC: Boy, Lou Scheimer's credit kinda kills the buzz, doesn't it? NC (vo; as the studio executive): Let's take this time, kids, to acknowledge who executive-produced this show. (The group of children, voiced by NC, groans) ''Let's also take time, kids, to acknowledge the production director. ''(Hal Sutherland's credit is shown, and the children groan louder) ''Oh, all right, here's some more bullshit. ''(The transparent images of the characters' enemies float against the Castle Grayskull) He-Man: (narrating) Together, we defend Castle Grayskull from the evil forces of Skeletor. (The last image, of Skeletor, gives his recognizable evil laugh) NC: (as He-Man) In hindsight, he probably should live there. It does look like his face is plastered all over it. He actually lives in Castle Leather Bar! (The shot from the 2013 film ''Interior. Leather Bar. is shown)'' We should probably trade. (The footage of the intro for ''She-Ra: Princess of Power ''is shown) NC (vo): He-Man eventually got a popular spin-off called Sne-Ra...I mean, She-Ra...with a very similar introduction. (The intro starts off in a meadow, with the main hero, Adora, walking to the camera...with a pretty blank expression) Adora: I am Adora, He-Man's twin sister. NC: (as Adora, bulging eyes) I am stoned out of my mind, which is why I'm still uncomfortably close to you. Adora: Fabulous secrets were revealed to me the day I held aloft my sword and said... (holds up her sword) For the honor of Greyskull! (The sparks come out of the sword) NC: (as Adora) Yeah, He-Man got power, I got honor. It's kind of a consolation prize. (Adora transforms into She-Ra and zaps her speed Spirit to a unicorn Speed Wind) NC (vo; as She-Ra): Actually, I haven't established who He-Man is, what Grayskull is, why I have the honor of it or the connection it has to the kingdom I just said I was from. NC: (still as She-Ra) But I have a goddamn... NC (vo): ...unicorn, holy shit! Yeah, how many battle cats (The multiple images of various things that have unicorns on them or are unicorn-shaped are shown) do you see on merchandise everywhere? Nowhere! I don't see a battle cat! I got a unicorn, bitch! Bitch, I got a unicorn! NC: On top of that, I got top billing! He-Man... NC (vo): ...has to share title with the Masters of the Universe. I have to share my title with more me! That's me, co-starring me! Even Lou Scheimer doesn't get credit until the end! NC: (still as She-Ra) Keep your "power" and your miscasted Dolph Lundgren. I got the real honor here! (normal) Why did they make her British- (She-Ra stands on a cliff with her companions) NC (vo): We even have rainbow-colored characters, because...we're not afraid to hide our pride over here. You're so deep in the closet, (The cover for ''Trapped In The Closet Chapters 1-22 ''is shown) you're tap dancing with R. Kelly. He-Man: I HAVE THE POWER!!! NC (vo): Overall, these are kind of vague and weird, but they still manage to have a silly epic feel to them. NC: (holding his pen again) I'm giving these intros an 85. (The openings' score (85%) appears on a paper background. Cut back to ''He-Man's opening, with the title appearing again)'' Singers: HE-MAN! Cook: (audio, from the ''Fabulous Secret Powers ''music video by SLACKCiRCUS) Now it's time for cake! (The intro ends. The page turns) ''The Super Mario Bros. Super Show'''' (and its spin-offs) ''(Open on a shot of Mario's head) Mario: Hey, paisanos, it's The Super Mario Bros. Super Show! (As he says the aforementioned title, it pops up to the sound of the Mario "coin collect" sound) NC: It's pretty sad when you have to say this is a better interpretation of Mario Brothers than (poster of...) the Super Mario Bros. movie. NC (vo): Especially when it opens with a Mario rap. (A live-action Mario and Luigi (portrayed by Lou Albano and Danny Wells, respectively, who also do their cartoon voices on the show) dance out to a rap) Mario and Luigi: (rapping) We're the Mario Brothers, and plumbing's our game... NC: (massaging his face) Oh, yeah, we let this happen. NC (vo): The funny thing is, both this and the movie open up with the exact same Mario music to make you think you're gonna see something decent. (The Mario theme music starts up) NC: (rubbing his hands together excitedly) Oh, good! This is gonna be something gre– Mario and Luigi: (rapping) We're the Mario Brothers... NC: (not losing his smile) Immediately lost! NC (vo): We can practically see the look in Mario's eyes when the rap starts... (Through something like MS Paint, the Mario head's eyes become nervous as he looks around at the rapping Mario Bros.) NC (vo): ...as if to say, (as Mario) "Oh, no, it's this kind of show!" (normal) Gotta love that choreography, too: everyone do the Drunk Uncle Shuffling to the Next Bar Step! (In the opening scene, as the rap continues, the cartoon Mario, Luigi, Princess Peach (actually, Princess Toadstool, but whatever) and Toad all slide down flagpole, making the flagpole slide sound from the game as they do) Mario and Luigi: (rapping) H-Hooked on the brothers! NC: Get used to those flagpoles we'll never see on the show! NC (vo): Here's another line I never understand. Mario and Luigi: (rapping) Hanging with the plumbers, you'll be hooked on the brothers! Mario: (almost inaudible) To the bridge! NC: Did he say "Tell the French"? Mario: To the bridge! NC (vo; as Mario): We gotta get those European ratings up! If they find this funny, (A clip from the 1952 black-and-white movie ''Sailor Beware is shown, showing Melvin Jones (Jerry Lewis) humorously hitting the boxer on his legs, to no effect)'' they'll find us funny! Tell the French! (As the title sequence continues, we see the live-action Mario and Luigi running through the landscape, but they have been slightly cut off as they run in) NC: Hmm... NC (vo): Cropping's a little off, guys. Oh, I mean, it's a warp zone to syndication from public access! (As the Mario Brothers run to the end of the screen, Luigi slows down) Luigi doesn't even have the energy to run all the way. He stops just before the end, as if to say, (as Luigi) "The cash is checked, right? I can't renege on this?" (Cut to the show's title and the main characters flying towards Mario head on a magic carpet, concluding the intro) NC: Mario actually had two other spin-offs with slightly different openings. (We are shown the intro for one of those shows: ''The Adventures of Super Mario Bros. 3, which starts with a scrapbook opening up, showing Mario, Luigi, Toadstool and Toad. They discover an air attack by King Koopa and his seven Koopalings and try to get away from them)'' NC (vo): One was Super Mario Bros. 3. Narrator: It is a legend no one will forget. NC: (as the narrator) Yes. They'll remember it so much, they'll forget... (The cover for the game ''Super Mario Bros. 2 and a screenshot from it are shown)'' NC (vo; as the narrator): ...there was never a second one. And I know what you're thinking; that one didn't count because it was a dream, but you know what? We're putting a "3" at the end of this one, so where'd "2" go? Where'd "2" go?* And why are we numbering our legends? This is really weird! *NOTE: Elements of Super Mario Bros. 2 were featured prominently in the original Super Show, including Shyguys, Snifits, Birdos and Bob-Ombs, among others, and Mouser, Triclyde, and Fryguy were all King Koopa's henchmen. Narrator: King Koopa was back, with the greatest danger ever known...his Koopa Kids! NC: That's right. He found someone to bang him. I won't name names, but... NC (vo): ...Fiona was on the rebound after Shrek 4... NC: ...and royal child support does pay well. Narrator: Using their new superpowers, the Super Mario Brothers rescued Princess Toadstool and beat back the evil Koopa family. NC: (scoffs) Spoilers. NC (vo): Yeah, they just kind of give away how every episode ends. Not "they'll try to stop them", but "they did stop them". Narrator: ...the Super Mario Brothers rescued Princess Toadstool... NC (vo; as the narrator): I read the script and I don't care. Anything with the Mario name on it you'll think is great. (The screenshot from ''Super Mario 64 ''appears) Yeah, I cut to that on purpose. Fight me, dickholes! (The intro ends with the scrapbook closing) Koopa (vo): I'll get those plumbers! (Now we go to the intro of another Mario spin-off: ''Super Mario World, from 1991, which theme song is composed and sung by Mark Mothersbaugh. The show takes place in the Dinosaur World)'' NC (vo): They also had another spin-off with Super Mario World. This intro is focused on the Italian plumbers from Brooklyn, only now they're in prehistoric times... NC: So, naturally...the music should be Jamaican. Mark Mothersbaugh: (singing) Super Mario World! / It's a blast from the past! (While running away from the Tyrannosaurus Rex, Yoshi shivers in fear...and his chest gets slightly larger in size) NC (vo): I swear Yoshi has breasts for a second. He has breasts! Is he going through the same sex change as Birdo (The snippet of the cover for ''Super Mario World 2: Yoshi's Island pops up)'' or is that just how we fed baby Mario?! NC: EWWW! Back-up: (singing) Super Mario... (voice lowers) World. NC: Gotta admire the creative choice to belch "world" every time. (The two times in the song with this exact line are played, sung by the back-up that chants "Super Mario, Super Mario..." throughout the song) NC: (as a back-up singer, pretending to almost belch) Sorry, I was stuffing down a lot of product placement. Some of it had to come up. (Mario kicks the cube to pick up a feather and gather a cloak that give him flying powers. This allows him to save Toadstool from the grasps of Koopa) Mark Mothersbaugh: (singing) Mario and Luigi / Are doin' what they can! / Yoshi and the Princess / Are givin' them a hand! NC (vo): And by giving a hand, we mean running away like cowards and/or being generally useless. Hey, you probably wouldn't do much either, if your world of mushrooms unexplainably turned into dinosaurs, cavemen and phallic gumdrops. Connection! Mark Mothersbaugh: (singing) Super Mario World! / It's a blast from the past! NC (vo): Still, these intros are entertaining, despite them being awkward game advertisements from beginning to end. NC: I'm giving this one a 72. (The score of all three openings (72%) appears, before cutting back to the end of the ''The Super Mario Bros. Super Show ''intro) Mario and Luigi: (rapping) I said-a, h-h-h-h-hooked on the brothers! (fades out) ''The brothers! The brothers!... ''(The Mario head shrinks and disappears, ending the intro. The page turns) ''Bananaman'' (The intro opens with showing a street to a synth music) Narrator (Tim Brooke-Taylor): This is 29 Acacia Road. NC: You can already tell this is a British show. It's gray, boring, its opening exciting words are in address. NC (vo): But don't worry, they spice it up with some fruit. (Fade to the boy named Eric in his room with banana-shaped objects who, big shock, takes out a banana and eats it) Narrator: And this is Eric, the schoolboy who leads an amazing double life. For when Eric eats a banana, an amazing transformation occurs. NC: (shakes head) This is really the most exciting thing you can come up with, Britain? Narrator: ...an amazing transformation occurs. NC: (as the narrator) He gets his daily dose of potassium. (Eric transforms into a superhero called Bananaman) Narrator: Eric is Bananaman! (The smiling Bananaman starts swimming in space (literally), as the show's title appears around the Earth. NC double facepalms at this) NC: ...Brought to you by... (The caption NC says appears below the title) NC (vo): ...the European Fruit Union to Make Bananas Cool. Are they cool yet? Are bananas cool yet? Bananas are cool. (The intro is replayed in its fullest) NC (vo; sighs): Okay, so, despite this being a very simple opening, it does ask a lot of concerning questions. First of all, was he always into bananas before he discovered this power? He has a pillow and alarm clock, even a framed picture! A framed picture of a banana! NC: How friggin' lucky would that be if he was Bananaman without him even knowing it?! NC (vo): Also, why the hell is he swimming through space? (Beat) Stop that! You can't swim in space, you friggin' buffoon! This is why you're Bananaman! Even (the official art for...) Super Ted is making fun of you! NC: No, no, no, no. This is short, ridiculous, weird. I'm only giving it a 49. (The opening's score (49%) appears, along with the picture of a banana with an angry face) NC (vo): With a rotten fruit sticker. You better give me something better, Britain. (The intro ends. The page turns) ''Count Duckula'' (The opening starts with the lightning strike revealing a really good-drawn organ) NC: (leans in slightly) I'm listening. (The really abnormal-looking castle is shown next, accompanied by the hammiest of narrations) Narrator (Barry Clayton): Castle Duckula. Home for many centuries to a dreadful dynasty of vicious vampire ducks. (Beat) NC: What? (The word "Duckula" appears, written in blood) Narrator: The counts of Duckula. NC (vo; snickers): Okay. It's silly, but this guy says this dialogue like he's been waiting all his life to explain this mythos. I think he actually believed this is a thing! (The images described by the narrator are shown) Narrator: This does not suffice, however, for they may be brought back to life, by means of a secret rite that can be performed once a century, when the moon is in... NC: I don't think (poster of...) Castlevania took itself this seriously! NC (vo): It creates what looks like the duck formerly known as prince, as it takes I guess a more fitting turn, as a pop song starts going with some kind of loopy lyrics. Mike Harding: (singing) ''In the heart of Transylvania, / In the Vampire Hall of Fame, yeah... '''NC:' "The Vampire Hall of Fame, yeah"? Like...comma, yeah? Mike Harding: (singing) ''In the Vampire Hall of Fame, yeah... '''NC (vo; imitating Harding singing):' We were desperate for a rhyme! / We didn't have very much time! / We were working on a studio, dime! (The caption "Duckula" is shown in big letters) Deep Voice: Duckula. (Count Duckula himself pops up above the caption, shrugging) Duckula: Heh-heh, Count Duckula! Heh-heh-heh-heh! NC (vo): I just love how even the main character in the title is like, "I don't know what they're smokin' either, folks. Duckula. I don't know." (The lightning strikes, ending the intro. Cut to the closing credits of the show) NC (vo): It gets even more weird in the end credits, as the song is interrupted with random clips. Doreen Edwards: (singing) If you're feelin'... (The image of a live-action woman screaming pops up) ''Or you kind of... ''(A man in the top hat and cloak runs from right to left, laughing ghoulishly) ''Could be you've met up with... ''(The head of the main character zooms in, flashes and zooms out) Deep Voice: Duckula. NC: You know, if you want to be more comically strained, you have to go with more random clips. I mean, really random. Like... Doreen Edwards: (singing) If you're feelin'... Cal Hockley (Billy Zane): (from ''Titanic)'' I always win, Jack. Doreen Edwards: (singing) ''Or you kind of... '''Doc Holiday (Val Kilmer):' (from ''Tombstone)'' I'm your huckleberry. Doreen Edwards: (singing) ''Could be you've met up with... '''Deep Voice:' Duckula. NC: (smiles) Actually, these are kinda fun. Let's try another one. Doreen Edwards: (singing) ''If your knees go... '''Richard Kimble (Harrison Ford):' (from ''The Fugitive)'' Provasic. Doreen Edwards: (singing) ''And your teeth go... '''Joker (Heath Ledger):' (from ''The Dark Knight)'' Kill the Batman. Doreen Edwards: (singing) ''Maybe you've bumped into... '''Deep Voice:' Duckula. NC: You can put anything in there! It's kind of amazing! Doreen Edwards: (singing) ''If you're sort of... '''Mr. McGuire:' (from ''The Graduate)'' Plastics. Doreen Edwards: (singing) ''Or you're a little... '''Inigo Montoya (Mandy Patinkin):' (from ''The Princess Bride)'' Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die. Doreen Edwards: (singing) ''It's certain you've ran into... '''Deep Voice:' Duckula. NC: Try some at home, and we'll see what did you come up with. NC (vo): Overall, it's super ridiculous, but it's super inventive, too, with a great style, artwork and balls-to-the-wall narration. NC: I'm giving this intro a 94. (The intro's score (94%) appears, and cut to the end of the credits, which show the logo once more) Deep Voice: Duckula. Count Duckula. (The lightning strikes, and the credits end. The page turns) ''Spider-Man and His Amazing Friends'' (The intro begins) NC (vo): Spider-Man's gone through a lot of shows over the years, but by far, one of the most head-scratching is Spider-Man and His Amazing Friends. NC: And the intro certainly reflects that. Just look at the first shot! (The start of the opening is Spider-Man crawling across the black screen with trail effects) NC: (as Spider-Man, "stoned") Whoa, I'm trippin' Spider-balls, man! NC (vo): Listen to this narration. They clearly just went with the first take! (Zoom out to Spider-Man standing on the show's huge title placed on the river) Narrator (Dick Tufeld): Spider-Man and his amazing friends! NC (vo): The way he says it, it's like he's referring to... NC: (as a narrator) Look! Susie made Spider-Man brownies. (The photo of a girl holding a brownie is shown) What an amazing friend! NC (vo): And these "amazing friends" are as follows. (Two more superheroes on Spidey's team are shown) Narrator: Iceman and Firestar! NC: That's it. Two of the lesser X-Men... NC (vo): ...that nobody associates with Spider-Man at all. Narrator: Iceman and Firestar! NC (vo; as the narrator): Maybe they did something in the comics. I don't know. You're not gonna look it up. (Spider-Man swings on his web towards the camera, and via flash, we cut to the close-up of Peter Parker's face) NC: Boy, you thought Maguire's face was derpy. (Peter Parker, Angelica Jones and Bobby Drake are shown in their HQ which is a simple living room) NC (vo): Yeah, featuring them in their Ikea showroom isn't helping. Why are there two beds in the living room anyway? And where does Iceman sleep? (Zoom in to a glass table) Is that as bed? Did he make that for himself? (Zoom in to a picture of the Hulk hanging on the wall above Peter) Do you think Bruce Banner has a picture of Spider-Man at his house? NC: None of this makes sense!! (A flaming giant creature rampages in the city) NC (vo): But that monster from the opening of Scooby-Doo appears, and they turn their living room into blinking lights. (Peter presses on the golden statue on the fireplace, and the floorboards the furniture is on turn to the other side to reveal several machines and mechanisms) NC: The...architect must have had fun with that blueprint! NC (vo; as a construction worker): You want me to do what? Suck your mother. (The screen splits, and in each half, Angelica and Bobby turn into Firestar and Iceman. In particular, Bobby transforms into his superhero form by putting himself in a block of ice) NC (vo; as Bobby): Shit! I froze myself. I have two minutes to live. (Iceman freezes the flaming monster, and Spider-Man easily destroys it with his web-swinging) NC: Wow. Murderers. (Flying past the show's versions of Green Goblin (who is trapped by Firestar in a flaming circle) and Dr. Doom (who's caught in a web), the Super-Friends run to the camera as the title appears) NC (vo): Whether by freezing you solid or burning you alive, you will feel the wrath of Spider-Man and his merciless friends! Even Dr. Doom's...fashionable maxi dress can't compete with the slaughtering power of their intro! NC: Okay, okay. It still has more dignity than... (The clip of Emo Peter from Spider-Man 3'' dancing outside'''' is shown above)'' But it still needed a lot more updates to represent the time period it was made. I am giving this one... NC (vo): ...a 31. (The intro's score (31%) appears, and its ending plays out again) Narrator: Spider-Man and his amazing friends! Peter Parker: (audio, from ''Spider-Man (2002))' 'I hunch. ''(The intro ends. The page turns) The Real Ghostbusters (and Slimer! And the Real Ghostbusters) (''The Real Ghostbusters intro starts off with a white ghost happily walking on the sidewalk to the theme song performed by John Smith)'' NC (vo): Ah, hell, yeah! This was a great cartoon with a great cartoon opening. The Real Ghostbusters... (The poster for the 1986 Filmation show appears briefly) ...suck it, copyrights...starts with the ghost in the logo dancing down the street. At first, you're wondering why you'd be afraid of him. But then... (The ghost jumps and lands really close to the camera) NC: (leans back) Oh, my God, he's gonna French me. You were a sex offender when you were alive! (The no symbol covers the ghost, freezing him in place. Cut to Janine receiving a phone call and pressing a button to sound the alarm. The Ghostbusters react to it, including Egon tampering with the device and Ray popping up from behind Ray's table, smiling) John Smith: (singing) Who you gonna call? NC (vo): The logo flashes, and Janine gets the call, alerting the guys. Now, I'm just gonna leave what Ray was doing under Egon's waist a mystery...that is an awfully big smile, though. (The Ghostbusters get in their Ecto-1 and ride away. Janine blows them a kiss. Slimer appears and kisses Janine on the lips) NC (vo): Slimer sexually harasses Janine, and they're on their way to stop an army of ghosts with the incredible strategy of standing in one spot not moving so they can be easily blasted. (The Ghostbusters all shot at and capture a group of ghosts) John Smith: (singing) I ain't afraid of no ghosts. NC (vo): I always like how the singer sounds like he's mid-orgasm whenever he says the word "call". John Smith: (singing) Who you gonna call? NC: Who you gonna (starts rubbing himself sensually) call? John Smith: (singing) Who you gonna call? NC: Who you gonna (rubs himself) call? Back-up: (singing) Ghostbusters! (Now we're shown the footage of the intro for the spin-off show, ''Slimer! And the Real Ghostbusters, which starts with the ghost in the no symbol being scared by the fire erupting around the circle. The symbol falls, and Slimer flies out of it, screaming)'' NC (vo): The show sadly produced a spin-off called Slimer! And the Real Ghostbusters, which focused more on the snot goblin, leading to a more cartoony style, but still delivering a pretty creative opening. (A bunch of ghosts corner Slimer, but the Ghostbusters zap them, and Slimer presses the button to open a trap) Slimer: Ghostbusters! NC (vo): Yeah, does the Zuul dog really need to be in the same continuity as (The footage focuses on a pink puppy resembling Chester from ''Looney Tunes ''and the mutant which is a melted cheese) that mutant Tiny Toon and Pizza the Hutt? NC: (hand on cheek) No, it does not. NC (vo): Regardless, these openings are still pretty good, with great animation, great speed, and, of course, a great song. NC: I'm giving this a 98. (The openings' score (98%) appears, and we cut back to the ''Slimer! intro, which ends on the Ghostbusters walking below the show's logo (Slimer forms his name above "The Real Ghostbusters"))'' John Smith: (singing) Who you gonna call? Back-up: (singing) Ghostbusters! Slimer: (flies to the foreground) And me, and me! (The intro ends) NC: (staring tensely, whispers) I hate you. (Cut to black as we go to a commercial) ''Dungeons & Dragons'' (The intro starts with a group of children in an amusement park entering a ride shaped like a dragon's head) Bobby: (offscreen) Hey, look! A Dungeons & Dragons ride! NC: Okay, problem number one: there would never ''be a ''Dungeons & Dragons ride. Bobby: A Dungeons & Dragons ride! NC (vo): Now you can experience the magic of (A picture of four guys playing a table game is shown) sitting in your basement arguing who gets laid less. NC: (smile fades as he looks down, embarrassed) I-I always won that argument. (The picture zooms in to a mustached man in glasses) NC (vo): Who's this creep, by the way? He's a little old to be in there, isn't he? NC: Maybe he's the living version of (clip of...) that ghost that tries to tongue you in the Ghostbusters intro. (The tunnel changes to the supernatural-looking one) Sheila: I don't like this! (The cart the kids are riding in separates into several parts and disappears. The kids fall and land in a brown barren with mountains and hills, somehow ending up wearing the medieval clothing) Eric: Where are we? (The baby unicorn named Uni appears and jumps into Bobby's hands, scared. The toy of Uni and the caption "Toy Unicorn. Only $9.95. Now available at "Toys R Us" While Stores Still Last" pop up briefly) Hank: Look out! (The kids are confronted by a multi-headed dragon) NC: Um...how many riders did this happen to? NC (vo): I mean, it's a long line outside that ride. Did all of them get met with this experience? NC: There's just a warning outside that says... (That warning is shown with an image of a crazy-looking chicken and a caption that NC reads) NC (vo): "Warning. We're not responsible if your child randomly enters a life-destroying dimension. Must be at least this "high" to ride." Hank: Look out! (The children run away from the dragon. A bearded man in a red robe named Dungeon Master is shown watching this) NC: I love this wizard... NC (vo): ...who's supposed to be their guardian... NC: ...but he just looks at them like... NC (vo; as the Dungeon Master): Eh, sucks to be them. Just throw them in the pile of other carnival riders that came here. (The Dungeon Master introduces himself to the kids) Dungeon Master: Fear not, Ranger... (With his magic, he gives Hank a bow and arrows) NC (vo): He does give them weapons, which he could've used himself, but it makes sense to put small children's lives in danger over his. Dungeon Master: Magician... (gives Albert a magic hat) Thief... (gives Sheila an invisible cloak) ''Cavalier... ''(gives Eric a shield) ...and... (gives Diana a pole) NC: (as the Dungeon Master) ...Pole Dancer. Dungeon Master: ...Acrobat. NC: (as the Dungeon Master) Okay, sure. (The antagonist of the show, a wizard named Venger, flies on his black horse and shoots a blast from his hand. Eric blocks it with his shield, and the blast ricochets and hits the dragon. Venger and the dragon fly away) NC: Well, he wasn't much of a villain. His first move... NC (vo): ...was bad aim with a pie-splatting sound effect. Diana: Who was that? Dungeon Master: That was Venger, the force of evil. (pets Uni) I am Dungeon Master... NC: (as the Dungeon Master) We both had cruel parents giving us names to ruin our lives! Dungeon Master: ...your guide in the realm of... (The dragon's head erupts fire, and the show's title appears on a rock) Dungeons & Dragons! NC (vo; as the Dungeon Master): Now let me introduce you to our Wayans brother. (Snails from the 2000 live-action adaptation is shown, and a woman's scream is heard) NC (vo): Yeah, this isn't grabbing me. The animation is rushed, the story is dumb, and I definitely wouldn't put together this is one of the longest-running RPGs of all time. NC: I give this opening a 22. (The intro's score (22%) appears. Its ending plays out again) Dungeon Master: Dungeons & Dragons! (The intro ends. The page turns) ''Mega Man'' (The intro instantly starts with the action and the synth pop!) NC: Oh, man, this one's a rush! NC (vo): I don't know if the show was any good, but the intro was a lot of fun. The song tells you everything you need to know. Singers: Super fighting robot, / Mega Man! NC: (chuckles) Well, I brought up the speed. (One of the quick clips shows the creation of the title character) Singers: Super fighting robot, / Mega Man! NC (vo): Doesn't the fact that he's mega already make him super? I don't think that needs to be emphasized. And not only do we get to see Mega Man naked, but he's damn scary naked! NC: Where the hell was that design for the Terminator? (The image of the Terminator / T-800 is shown, one half of his face covered by a human skin, the other by Mega Man robotic face. The intro continues to play and show the climactic fight in the town. And the speed is not slowing down for a bit) Singers: Mega Man! NC (vo): This intro is fast as hell, throwing everything at you: sparks, explosions, Angry Birds... There should be a death toll to this opening! How many people you think died in those cities?! Singers: Super fighting robot... (Two of Mega Man's robotic allies, Elec Man and Roll, are shown. The latter's power is...having a vacuum in her arm) NC: (laughs nervously like a dumb person) D...did she have a vacuum for an arm? (That part is replayed) NC: (nods slowly) Maybe she's the daughter of Mega Maid. (That spaceship from Spaceballs'' is shown) They both have the word "mega" in it. Kinda-nuity. ''(The said word appears below) Singers: Super fighting robot... (Cut to Mega Man fighting Ice Man by throwing him away with opening the fire - literally) NC: He lit that dude on fire! NC (vo): Not only lit, disintegrated! There isn't even a grain of ash left! (imitates the singers) Meta Man! And Mega Maid! (A small clip of Spider-Man destroying the flaming giant in the intro of the aforementioned show pops up) And his merciless friends! (Mega Man is confronted by Proto Man) NC (vo): Finally, Proto Man shows up, and it looks like it's gonna be a big finish, but it ends a little awkwardly. Singers: ...save...the world! (Mega Man and Proto Man charge at each other...and then fist fight. As the word "world" echos, Dr. Wily, Dr. Light and Roll are shown briefly...and Mega Man blasts at Proto Man. Him and his robotic dog Rush appear next to the show's title via flash) NC: Well, for all that buildup, you'd think the final strike would be a little bit more epic. (NC overdubs both Mega Man and Proto Man, first yelling when charging at each other, and then saying sorry to each other when they fist fight, finishing with Mega Man, "Okay, die!") NC (vo): Still, this intro is pretty awesome. Great animation and fun song get you super hyped. NC: I'm giving this intro a 95. (The opening's score (95%) appears, and its final moments are shown again. The sound of one of the Pokemons after their Mega Evolution is heard. The page turns) ''Denver the Last Dinosaur'' (First, we're shown "World Events/Calico Presents" caption that appears on a rock to a...well, rock music) NC: They are sure taking their time with the credits on this one. I hope it's building up to something good. (The intro starts with the band performing on stage) Dale Schacker: One, two, three, four! NC: (smiling) Instantly sold! (Cut to the title character, Denver the dinosaur, playing the electric guitar) Dale Schacker: (singing) Denver, the last dinosaur... NC: (still smiling) Instantly confused! (We see a group of kids in California finding out a crater with a big egg inside. A dinosaur hatches from the egg) NC (vo): I guess these kids find a dinosaur egg with a live dinosaur in it. NC: So, what do they do? Put him... NC (vo): ...in a rock band, of course! NC: That's what Dr. Grant would want. (The kids take Denver for a ride in their bike on the road in front of the confused and scared crowd) NC (vo): Somehow, I feel like these two species wouldn't mix well. Look at the way he licks his tongue at that couple. It cuts away just before he eats their faces! (The children are shown petting Denver) Dale Schacker: (singing) Denver, the last dinosaur... NC (vo): They don't really go into much detail on the backstory. In fact, the whole thing just looks like an 80s ad for dinosaur cookies. (As Denver continues playing the guitar and makes electro waves come out of it with small images of dinosaurs playing various musical instruments, the shot of Mother's Cookies Dinosaur Grrrahams is shown) Dale Schacker: (singing) ''Denver, the last dinosaur, / He's my friend and a whole lot more... '''NC:' Wait. How can you you be more than a friend with a dinosaur? If you're friends, what's really after- (suddenly realizes and gets horrified) Oh, my God! (Cut back to the clip of petting Denver) NC (vo): They don't keep dwelling on sex in this episode, but what else could it mean?! What is going on here when he makes this face?! (The scene of Denver smiling with eyes closed plays with a sensual music in the background) NC: You dirty dino! Dale Schacker: (singing) ''...rock and roll spotlight, / We've found a friend who helps us make it through, all right! ''(As this line is sung, a camera takes the picture. The photo slides out of it and it shows Denver with the kids) NC: ...A picture is upside down. Yeah, I can deal with the dinosaur being in an 80s band with a bunch of kids, but that picture... NC (vo): ...is upside down! Boo! (We are shown the camera going through the red tunnel) Dale Schacker: (singing) ''...saw...before! ''(The tunnel ends with the show's title appearing, with "The Last Dinosaur" on a rock plate and "Denver" stylized in a neon writing) NC (vo): Yeah, that looks pretty cool until you put neon pink "Denver" above it, with him giving the loudest wink. (Denver pops up above his name and winks to the camera, with a "Ping!" sound effect) NC: You should get that looked at. NC (vo): It's definitely a time capsule of...well, a time capsule, but it is bright and colorful, and, for the time, even has some impressive layering effects. I guess it worked for what it is. NC: I give it a 70. (The intro's score (70%) appears, and its ending plays again. The page turns) ''Batman: The Animated Series'' (Fade to the Warner Bros. Animation logo, which in turn fades to a black blimp in the night sky with two glowing lights. The iconic Danny Elfman theme plays throughout the intro) NC (vo): Here you go. One of the greatest of all time for one of the greatest shows of all time. It starts off with the Warner Bros. logo turning into a police blimp. NC: ...Those very practical ones the police use all the time! (A pair of silhouettes that belong to a criminal band walk out of the bank) NC (vo): We see two criminals about to rob the "Bank" bank, and they blow it up. (The bank's entrance explodes after the criminals flee) NC: (hand on cheek, smiling) You know, it just hit me: why did they blow it up? NC (vo): If they already robbed it, why draw attention? If they didn't rob it, the money's up in smoke! NC: This must be the work of... (shrugs as the image of the confused person appears) Eeeehhh...Man! (Cut to the Batmobile driving out of Batcave, as shown by a static cel image of the car and the moving background) NC (vo): We cut to the Batmobile represented by a still painted foreground against an animated background... NC: ...It's usually the other way around. NC (vo): ...and he helps the police chase down the villains. (The police car stops in front of a building. Pan up to the roof, and the duo of robbers are already there) NC: How the hell did they get up there so fast? NC (vo): Police were right behind them, and then suddenly, they're on top of a building! What was in that bank, Gummiberry Juice? (The scene is replayed, but with a "boing!" sound effect heard as we pan up to the roof. The criminals stop in place as they are confronted by Batman, who squints his eyes that are glowing through the mask) NC (vo): They, of course, come across the Dark Knight, as we all ask the classic question... (The arrow points to a speck of dust left on the Batman cel) ...what is that white dot on his lip? NC: And why doesn't it appear in later seasons? (This image is shown with a remastered version of it) (The robbers draw their guns, but Batman knocks the weapons out with his Batarang and jumps on the first criminal, knocking him out) NC (vo): He knocks the guns out of their hands, and we come across the one bit of animation I always thought was a little weird. (Batman swiftly dodges the second criminal's punch) NC: He always moves like a hand puppet there. NC (vo): I know he's ninja-like, (A lizard tongue is Photoshopped onto the Batman silhouette) but I'm expecting a snake tongue to go with that move. (The policemen come across the bound and gagged robbers on the roof) NC (vo): He leaves the criminals for the cops, as our title character is so well-known, a title's not even needed for the show! (The lightning strikes, revealing Batman standing on top of another building gloriously, and the intro ends. NC lets out a sigh of satisfaction) NC: Though, I will admit: as satisfying as that intro is...don't you kinda want to see him get hit by lightning? (The ending of the intro is replayed, but it is Photoshopped so Batman is hit by lightning, electrocuted, and then blown up) NC: We all thought it! Don't act like you didn't! NC (vo): This opening is so good, so artistically pleasing, so musically driven, you don't even notice all the little details I was bringing up earlier. This is one of the best-looking intros ever, and to this day, there's never been anything like it. (A small clip of ''[[Was Batman Season 4 Hit or Miss?|The Adventures of Batman and Robin season'']]'' intro is shown)'' They did a few other intros in the future, but it was mostly clips with some clever editing, and nothing on the scale of this. It gets better and better every time I see it. What can I say? It's amazing. NC: This is an easy...100%. (The intro's score (100%) appears, and we cut to the final moments of it once more) NC: (puts away the papers) I suppose that's enough for today, but if you'd like me to continue, let me know. Leave a comment below and tell me if this is a segment you'd like to see more of. I'm the Nostalgia Critic, and if you'll excuse me, there's a certain theme month I have to get ready for. (As "Toccata and Fugue in D Minor" by Johann Sebastian Bach is heard, NC takes off his hat to put on...the Santa hat? He glances aside) NC: Oh, sorry, we have to update the calendars around here. (The credits roll, followed by the Channel Awesome logo) Category:The Nostalgia Critic Transcripts Category:Content Category:Guides Category:Editorials Category:NC Mini-Reviews Category:Transcripts Category:Nostalgia Critic